Saturday, September 15
Life in the Fast Lane...
I have spent my whole life, prior to becoming a mother, as a very social person. I have always been a joiner, a do-er. So, these past two years were incredibly hard. Yet they were also incredibly important. They gave me a chance to really learn about myself, and to draw closer to the Lord. I learned to listen when He told me "no" and I learned to say no myself. I guess that is why I was so disappointed in myself yesterday when I really stopped to think about the past week.
I was so excited when I felt God leading me to once again step outside my home and start serving Him in new ways. I was so excited when I could attend meetings and events without fear, and I was starting to feel like I was a part of a community again. I remember thinking a few times that our upcoming schedule sounded a little busy, but I was so focused on the lack of social anxiety that I let that consume me. It is like when a wound heals, and you occasionally poke it to make sure it doesn't hurt anymore. I have realized that this is what I was doing.
So, last night, as I was laying with my boy thinking about the week, I realized that I had taken a green light from God and raced ahead without watching for any other signs along the way. I missed the yield sign of my messy house, zoomed through the yellow light of my poor diet and lack of exercise, even ignored the flashing red light of a stress cold. I had overcommited, and in the process started to crowd God out.
Now I don't have all the answers this morning. I don't know what my schedule will look like even next week at this point. All I know for sure is that I learned a big lesson yesterday. I know that it is way to easy to lose all progress made in a heartbeat, and that if I don't slow down a much bigger crash is ahead. So, I will be spending this weekend doing just that. Slowing down. I may disappoint some people, but I know that I need to have a serious talk with God and figure some things out. I am so thankful for a God full of mercy and grace who is patient with me as I learn, and re-learn, what it means to walk with Him!