I've not had it in me to blog lately. I have noticed a trend as far as January goes the past few years... it always seems to be a hard month for us. This year, however, has taken that to the extreme. We kicked things off with lots of illness, including Aiden's strep throat and scarlet fever. That was a rough time, especially since we were adjusting to our new schedule as child care providers (which has been the BEST part of January!), but it was nothing compared to the past week. Last weekend, Matt's dad had a stroke. For the past week it has been lots of praying and waiting for updates. Now, I am asking for my friends to join me in those prayers... because the latest updates aren't looking great.
Part of the reason I haven't blogged or shared much about this online is that I am dealing with a lot of guilt because we can't afford to travel down there. Even though those closest to the situation agree that there isn't much that we could contribute, it is hard to be far away. It is also hard when each time I share what is happening the immediate question is always "When is Matt headed down there?" It is like being reminded over and over that we aren't there. I know that is never the intent, but I am fighting that regret that comes from not visiting as much as we would have liked over the years already. I know this is not helpful right now, but I have yet to master dealing with feelings. Clearly. I know that this is one of those things that the devil uses to really try to dig in and derail the confidence I usually have about following God's will for our family. So I am doing my best to recognize that and let go of the guilt. It is just hard.
I am, however, so very thankful for the dear friends I have in Missouri who have helped me take care of Matt's mom from afar! Delivering muffins and making soup... doing the things I want to do myself but can't. I am so blessed by their willingness to help! And I am also incredibly grateful for Matt's oldest brother, who flew in to be with their parents. I am thankful for facetime, and the chance to be connected through technology when we can't be there in person. I am trying to focus on these things, and focus on loving and supporting my husband as he deals with all of this. I did not have a real relationship with my own dad as an adult, but Randy has always loved me and made me feel like a part of his family. I am thankful for a father-in-law that I love and for the times Aiden was able to see his Grandpa. I continue to pray that there will be healing in this situation, and that future visits will be an option.
Tonight (well, this morning) I am also praying for my sweet niece who is currently being induced to deliver my new Great-Nephew! How crazy is that?! I will be a Great-Aunt! However, in keeping with the theme of the month, things aren't going 100% smoothly there either. She was diagnosed with HELLP syndrome, which is the reason she is being induced. Thankfully she is about 38 weeks already, so that relieves a lot of the worry for Baby Oliver! I just pray this little mama will have a safe and healthy delivery. I cannot wait to see them, and be a part of this amazing time for my niece. And my sister... the Grandma! Ha!
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose. - Romans 8:26-28