So. Not. Good.
Our van is having battery issues, and so until I am confident it is going to always start (which we are praying will happen with a new battery) I am reluctant to go anywhere. It has been cold and I am just not a fan of relying on the kindness of strangers for a jump start (even here in small town USA) or waiting on a family member who may or may not answer their phone to come help me. My brother has been a jump-start hero for like a month now, but I am wanting to get out while he is at work so...
Then there is the fact that I now watch the sweetest little 2-month-old girl three days a week. I certainly am not taking her out if there is a chance the van will not start, and even when it is fixed I have flashbacks of the total fail that one time I took my best friend's infant and Aiden both out to run around. Granted Aiden was younger and we were visiting my old hometown so it wasn't like I was in my natural surroundings. But still...
These first few month of the year are always the hardest winter months. I am in that post-holiday funk where not only is Christmas over but the excitement over a new year has worn off. That happened especially fast this year, ha! I am pretty sure I set a goal about getting outside more, but clearly that has been a big fail. I know it would probably help, but it is that crazy cycle I get into where I have let myself pull away for too long and now it seems super overwhelming to jump back in. Even taking Aiden outside to play feels like a huge ordeal when it is cold.
Homeschool P.E. starts back up next week, and library story time the week after that. Aiden still hasn't made it back to taekwondo yet (not entirely my fault on that one since Matt is the one who takes him) and I can't remember the last time we had a playdate. So I am confessing all of this here because I know I need to snap out of it. If not for myself, then for him. He doesn't complain... he is as much a homebody as I am... but I want more for him. I don't want to let me wanting more force us into being over-committed or busy just for the sake of being busy, but those three activities I listed are quality activities we value as a family.
I miss my friends. This has been a weird couple of months in many ways, but I have to stop using that as an excuse. Things have been changing. The friends I used to see often are all working more, and I am too. Now is the time when I need to decide if it is really worth it. If the extra work I am doing is at the expense of relationships then it isn't worth it. Is it better to have financial wiggle room, or to spend time with people who make my life more enjoyable? I know my answer... I just have been failing to act on it.
This is one of those "something's gotta give" moments, and I know the things I am not willing to part with... I feel like choosing to add child care for sweet baby girl was a really excellent choice for our family. I have just been resisting letting go of some things that need to be put on the back burner to create the margin needed to make this new season of life work. I am working on it. That is all I can do. I need to just keep working on it. And for goodness sake I need to get out of the house. Tomorrow! Must make it happen... time to take a leap of faith back outside my comfort zone and trust that it will be okay.
Do you struggle with the winter blahs? How do you handle it?