Unexpected Answers {or at least some new questions...}

Thursday, November 5

Today I found myself thinking of a section in my favorite parenting book where it talks about how boys often experience behavioral problems right before they make a developmental leap of some sort. I feel like last night I had a bit of a breakthrough, and it seemed as if things felt much lighter after that... even though nothing had really changed. Like perhaps my latest battle with depression had been my behavioral problem that came before making a leap - not developmentally, but a leap in my parenting. I believe I am getting ahead of myself, though. Let me start over.

I am not entirely sure how I found my way to the blog My Little Poppies recently, but I don't think it was purely coincidence. Especially since I then found myself reading a post on Geek Mom the next day and realizing it was the same author. Today when I tried to figure out where that first post I read was I found this one instead, and it made me cry. That tends to happen when someone tells me they understand the turmoil going on inside of me... even if we have never met. Sometimes I just need to hear that someone gets it. And Cait gets it... even if I am just now realizing we might even share something in common. 

I started reading about her son, who is gifted. I learned the term "asynchronous development" and spent a good hour (or two? I don't really want to admit how long I probably spent at the computer...) googling. I read lists of characteristics and traits. I read articles and visited websites. The whole time I found myself nodding along with so much of what I read. I have been so afraid of being "too proud" of Aiden that I have been brushing off the idea of him being anything more than a smart little boy. I honestly never considered the idea of him being gifted, and regularly found myself assuring Matt that he was just a normal kid and we shouldn't think too much of his intellect. When in reality, it has been an almost-daily occurrence for the past year or so for us to share at the end of the night things our son had said or done that make us laugh because they seem too advanced for his age. 

Even now, after reading so much that seems to click with what I see in Aiden, I am afraid to say he is gifted. As if someone might think I am bragging. When in reality, it is a challenge more than anything. I am not sure I really would have expected that to be the case. In fact, I am now wondering how much trouble I gave my own mom, having been labeled as gifted myself as a child. And speaking of my mom, I texted her last night to let her know what I was thinking and here answer was basically "Duh!" Haha, I love my mom. I guess she has been able to see for a long time what I am just now allowing myself to consider. 

I feel like I have written a lot of blog posts lately that don't have "endings" and this is another one. I have no idea really what all this means exactly. I have some comfort in feeling like I have some sense of direction, and I also am seeing some things that I have been doing all wrong that I can immediately work on. I talked with my best friend about my feelings about all of this as well, and as usual she made perfect sense of a lot of it for me. I hand her my inner turmoil in messy little text message packages (because I can't talk to her on the phone or Aiden will steal her away) and she sends back things put (mostly) in order. 

I am doing a lot of processing, but one thing that is beautifully apparent is the fact that our decision to homeschool is more important than ever. I have the opportunity to provide Aiden with the individualized attention he needs, and I can teach to his level by subject instead of being confined to grade-level assumptions. Parenthood continues to surprise me, and take me in directions I never planned on going... but God also continues to reveal how He has guided us along the way so far. I know He will continue to do so. It is sure to be an interesting journey as we continue to learn more about how to parent and educate our little boy. So, this post is more of a "beginning" than anything... my way to mark our starting point. There sure have been a lot of starting points lately. I guess that is what makes life exciting... or at very least continues to be the refining fire that is (very, very slowly) melting away my perfectionism and need for control. 

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