Almost 3 years later...

Saturday, October 12

There is something about the beginning of autumn that makes me want to blog. It happens every year. However, for the past two years I have just not been in a place to make it happen. So I look back at this space where I used to love sharing about my life and I find myself wondering...

How can I move forward here?

So much has happened in the course of two (almost 3?) years. I was diagnosed with cPTSD and started EMDR therapy. We moved... twice. The second move brought us over 500 miles and was anything but smooth. We were without a home of our own for 3 months. Matt has changed employers twice. Aiden has grown in the most amazing ways. Homeschool has been one of my greatest joys... but also a significant challenge during all of the chaos. I have dealt with serious health struggles with my mom and injuries of my own. At the start of this year we walked through losing Matt's father, and lost a couple dear friends shortly after that. It just seems like so much has happened that has changed me completely that it would be strange to just pick up and start blogging again as if no time had passed. 

And yet, this is just more of my story. While I feel like I am not even the same person anymore sometimes, the truth is that I value every part of the journey that has brought me to this point. Sometimes I find myself grieving the fact that I have been away from writing and recording memories for so long. I look back at the blog posts here, and I find that it is just amazing to see where I have come from. I see how much joy there was, even in the hard times, and I don't want the gap in memories to grow any wider. So, I will start writing again. Even if it feels a little weird. Maybe someday it won't anymore. 

Perhaps I can go back and fill in some of the gaps along the way. While I haven't blogged during the time away, I have kept journals and a private instagram account. I also reopened my public instagram at the start of this year. However, I find that I take significantly fewer photos now. I laugh sometimes at how Aiden will have thousands (an unmanageable number, really) of photos from the first 7 years of his life and then suddenly there are a lot less. A LOT less. My thoughts on things like photos have changed a bit. I actually wish sometimes I had taken fewer photos in those earlier years.  That is a post for another day, though. 

Anyhow, I have no idea if anyone will even see these posts for now. Most of my social media died when I abandoned things at the start of 2017. I am mostly just wanting to record life again, but I wouldn't mind reconnecting with some of the amazing people that made my life special back in the "good old days" of blogging. I guess I will just see where this takes me. No matter what, it feels really good to be getting ready to hit publish here. Really good. 

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