A Life Lived with Intention

Saturday, January 29

See what I did there after the last post's title? Oh so clever, right? Ha! I do want to continue digging in to this idea of using technology in a balanced way. I am continually feeling challenged to really slow down and consider the choices I make. This is really not easy for me. I am someone who likes having a plan and knowing what should happen... but rarely follows the plan when it is time to actually make choices. 

While I was doing the Armor of God Bible study with some friends at the end of last year, I was challenged to look at what Scripture had to say about what I felt I needed to work on most. I ended up becoming really attached to a verse from Ephesians. I have made it my verse for the year: 

Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of time, because the days are evil." - Ephesians 5:15-16

There's a lot to that verse, and I am just beginning this year, but it does speak to the idea of living with intention. There have been times in my life where I was better at staying present and having purpose. These last few months have not necessarily been one of those times. 

I lost one of my very best friends rather suddenly at the end of 2021... right as Advent was beginning. I still don't think I am ready to really unpack all of that, but it did lead to an interesting Advent season. I kept referring to it as "the year of good enough." We didn't do all of the normal Advent things, but what we did do was try to treasure the time we had together. There were a lot of really hard days, but there were also some really beautiful ones. I still miss Julie so very much, but I am also reminded so often of how precious each day is. I don't want to let life pass me by.

I know that I haven't been making the best choices lately. Once Christmas was over and winter really began here I definitely slipped into some bad habits of avoidance and mindless numbing through things like TV and the internet. That is not how I was created to live, and it certainly hasn't yielded good fruit. So now I am in a familiar place... at the corner of Grace and Despair. 

I find myself immediately staring down the path of just giving up on the idea of being any different. I feel like I have been here too often and I am never going to learn. It would be so easy to just continue down this road and just keep avoiding things. But Grace. Grace is calling me. God is calling me. Reminding me that His love is right here, right now. Asking me to turn my head and see how the road He has prepared for me is so much better. Holding out His mighty hand to walk with me. 

I know this won't be the last time I see this corner. I know the path God has in store for me isn't the easy one. Aiden and I talk a lot about taking the rocky road (and we don't mean the ice cream!) instead of the smooth one. Sure, I could wander down the path that seems smooth because I have numbed my mind to seeing how bad it really is. All I will see there is the same dusty road stretching endlessly in front of me and leading nowhere. Or I can walk over the rough terrain of following God that will lead to the most amazing views of Mercy and Love. 

If I know all of this, then why is it so dang hard to turn toward Grace? I know I can't do it on my own. So I am forever thankful for a God who continues to provide His strength to move in the right direction. He will never stop pulling me back to the right path as I stay grounded in His Word and walk by faith. 

So today I take one step in the right direction. And then one more. That's all I can really do. Take things one step at a time. I would much rather hop on an airplane. But it's really all about the journey, right? I can't really end there with a cliché can I? But alas, I have steps I need to go take right now and that will have to do. 

It feels really good to be writing again...

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