A Season of Rest in God's Word

I feel like I write a lot about living seasonally - although maybe it is more in my own journal than on the blog. If there is one thing I have learned since becoming a mother, it is that seasons change more often than the four seasons of the year we are all used to. Learning to embrace each season as it comes has been huge for me. It isn't always easy to recognize the changes. Often we refuse to believe it is really winter until we find ourselves scraping ice off the windshield. In the same way, I still regularly resist change until I cannot any longer.

A Season of Rest in God's Word

Tuesday, February 7

When Truth and Fiction Collide - The Story People

If there is one thing I love about a good Christian fiction novel, it is when reading about the life of a fictional character brings much-needed truth into my own life. That definitely happened while reading The Story People. If you want to read my review of this novel, you can do so here. Here on the blog, however, I would just like to share some of what my reading of this particular title got me thinking about the ideas of vocation, purpose and making tough choices. 

"How do you know you are where you're supposed to be?"

This is most definitely a question I have struggled with many times. Even now, as we consider where we will live next year, I find myself in that place of anxiety again. No matter how often I remind myself to lay decisions like this at the feet of my Heavenly Father and trust He will direct my path, I still find myself trying to pick those worries back up over and over. For years, we have felt like we are torn between two homes. Both places have so much to offer, and so off and on we have tried to figure out where we are supposed to be. The hard part is that there is no clear choice. We see the opportunity to grow and serve in both locations, but we can't see where God wants us for sure. This is the dilemma that immediately came to mind when I read page 187 of this novel where one of the main characters was given this advice: 

It's not about finding the perfect set of circumstances - there is no such thing in this fallen world. It's about being faithful in the circumstances you're in. God simply calls us to be faithful, but even in faithfulness, peace can elude us if we're not fully trusting God. If we spend our time worrying over a perceived lack of peace and direction, we are missing the point and skipping over the whole trust part. The point is to be faithful and to set our minds on Christ, and to trust in Him alone. It may sound simplistic, but oftentimes we complicate and muddy things through human reasoning. (emphasis mine)

To say that I am an overthinker would be a huge understatement. This is something I feel like I need to be working on right now. Just the other night (shortly before I read this page of this book) I lay in bed thinking that some people think that the idea of salvation through Christ is too easy. I, on the other hand, struggle with the simplicity more than I would a list of rules to follow. I like rules. I like direction. I like goals. I just want to be told exactly what to do most of the time. (Not that I am great at following through with it when I am, but that is beside the point.) My brain is constantly running on overdrive, and it would be so much easier if I could just quiet it down. I remember a sermon by one of our pastors that included something along the line of "beware of the buts," which was memorable not only because it was giggle-worthy (come on... it is) but because it was so very me. I am that person who wants to insert the "but" at the end of my profession of faith: I am saved through grace... but...

I know there is no "but" at the end of that statement. Yet I still have a hard time letting go of it. It all feels too easy... which makes it really hard. I loved that the author used the passage in 1 Corinthians 1:27 that tells us that "God chooses the simple things to confound the wise."  It is only when I start trying to rely on my own understanding that I begin trying to add limitations or requirements to God's free gift of salvation. If I rely on His wisdom... if I cling to the peace of God that surpasses all understanding and let it guard my heart and mind... I realize that it truly is just that simple. As the book goes on to state:

"Just look at the cross - there can be nothing more simple and powerful than that, and yet we humans love to tamper and play with the clarity God has given!"

When I apply this to my own decision-making, I realize that the truth of the matter is that there is no perfect place for us to live. We have been given the freedom to make choices like the one we are facing, and in the end what we need to do is look at where we can serve and how we will seek God in the place we end up in. God is not limited by our weakness, and we can be confident that even if we make choices that are less than ideal, there will always be grace waiting for us and opportunities for growth. And often, like they did for the characters in this work of fiction, the choices we make will yield results that we never could have considered with our limited view of God's eternal plan.

I really enjoyed this book, and am so thankful I was given the opportunity to be on the release team for it! You can pick up your copy here.

When Truth and Fiction Collide - The Story People

Friday, November 11

Overflowing With Hope - Romans 15:13

Over time, I have learned the power of praying through Scripture. So often I feel like just don't have the words. Yet what I always have access to is God's Word. For me, the practice of praying scripture started with what has kind of become my life verse:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. - Romans 15:13

I knew that reading that verse had encouraged me countless times, but I had never considered using it as a prayer. This one verse has so much substance. Hope. Joy. Peace. Power.  When I am feeling particularly weak, I come back to this verse. I find myself praying...

Heavenly Father, 
I know with all my heart that you truly are a God of HOPE. The hope you so freely supply is what sustains me in this life when darkness tries to overtake me. It is only through you that I find true JOY and PEACE. I know that when I trust in You and focus on Your will I am able to see things differently. The challenges I am facing cannot compare to Your mercy and grace. You have provided me with all I need, Lord, and I know you will continue to sustain me. I know You will give me the strength I need to get through what I am facing. Lord, I pray that I might truly overflow with HOPE by the POWER of the Holy Spirit. I know that your power is absolute, and I want the hope this ensures to spill over to everyone around me. I ask that you would show me opportunities to encourage the people you have placed in my life. May I be a source of light in this dark world. Not shining that light on myself, but using it to bring You glory! I want the people I love to know the peace you provide. I thank you for renewing my mind, and comforting my heart. In Jesus' precious name, 
Amen

I have also found that it is one of the sweetest prayers I can pray over family and friends. This is definitely the cry of my heart for the people I love, and as I sit down and really pray through this with someone specific in mind it often reminds me of ways I can be God's hands and feet and care for His people.

I love this verse SO much that I asked my dear friend Stephanie to whip up a little printable for me to share. She is just the best, and has other free printables over at Behind the Camera and Dreaming! I pray that this verse will encourage you the way it has me!

8 x 10 Printable | right click to open printable in a new window | right click and save

You can read more of my posts about prayer HERE, 

Do YOU have a favorite verse to pray? I would love to hear it!

Overflowing With Hope - Romans 15:13

Friday, October 21

Leaving a Faith Legacy

When Aiden was an infant, I used to write him a letter each month. I would record milestones and funny things he had done, and just share my heart with the sweet little boy who had changed my life in such a big way. Of course as I wrote these letters I was thinking ahead to the young man he will someday be, instead of only the tiny person he was at the time. I wrote them for him, but I also wrote them for me... so that I could remember some of the little things that I would too soon forget. I needed the reminder to slow down long enough to really see what gets missed in the chaos of life with a small child. I wanted him to be able to read back through them someday and know how treasured he has always been. Those letters were about both the present and the future. They are little glimpses of a life that moves faster than I would like, and an attempt to hold on for a little while longer.

When I started Bible journaling, I did so primarily for me. I think best by writing things out usually, and I wanted to be able to look back and see how God had been at work in my life. However, there came a point when I started writing not just for myself but also for my future daughter-in-law. Now I know there is no guarantee that Aiden will marry. And even if he does there is no guarantee he will have children or live a life anything like the one I live now. Yet I pray as I record my own journey that someday there will be a young woman for me to pass these journals on to. A woman who is just starting her journey as a wife and mother who can learn from what God has taught me.

The more I find myself learning about living life by seasons, the more I am aware of the fact that someday I will be that Titus 2 woman being given the responsibility of training up the next generation. I struggle with finding a mentor of my own, and so maybe I think more about being one for someone else someday than I normally would. No matter the reason, it is a thought that is always kind of there in the back of my mind as I study and learn. I do these things for the now - so that I can be the wife and mother that God wants me to be in this season - as well as for the future.

As I focus specifically on my prayer journey, I am starting to see how all of this is woven together. I see that my prayers for my child today can also be recorded as a legacy for his future. Whether it is to remind him of how God has always held him close through his earthly parents, or to encourage him in his own parenting... I want to start recording some of those prayers. The memories I record are treasures indeed, but knowing that God has been at work throughout Aiden's childhood is also a precious gift.

I recently came to possess my Grandma's copy of Psalms | Now, and every night as I hold it and read from it I can picture her praying in her room. I wish that I had thought to learn more about faith from her while she was still here to teach me. I adore this priceless link to her faith, but I wish there was a way to know more about how she grew into the most loving, faithful and amazing woman I have ever known. I can only pray that God will continue to work in my life to help me become a woman like that. If I can leave behind something of my journey... even if it is only for one young woman who craves guidance... it will be an honor to do so.

Over these past few years I have prayed for a mentor of my own. I have found encouragement and inspiration in the words of some amazing women along the way, even if it wasn't in that face-to-face way I crave. I know that one thing I have learned over and over again in this journey is that God always hears and always answers the prayers of His children. I know that there is a reason He is choosing to answer this prayer of mine differently than I had hoped, and I look forward to the day when I can see a glimpse of the "why" when the work is done. Until then, I will continue to pray and trust. This is most definitely a main theme of my prayer journey in this season.

Leaving a Faith Legacy

Tuesday, October 18

I gotta confess...

I am having serious doubts about this whole writing for 31 days thing. Perhaps if I had decided to do it sooner than the day before I could have built up some posts ahead of time. I didn't do that, though, and today I just don''t want to think or feel or blog. I am tired and seriously struggling with some things. Clearly I need to spend more time praying and less time writing about it today.

I may come back to this post and rewrite it, but in the spirit of at least making an attempt to post today, I am just going to share a Bible study I put together doing teen ministry. I was going to talk about confession in today's post, and this study is what got me thinking about it. So I hope this is enough for tonight.

Download the Study Here

I gotta confess...

Thursday, October 6

Taking the Joy Dare and Daring to be Imperfect

Do you ever wonder if God gets a little giggle out of those moments that make us smack our foreheads? Like right now... as I sit down to grudgingly write after throwing myself a little pity party about how life is hard right now. Homeschooling? Homeschooling is hard. Cleaning? Yeah, making myself do the dishes is pretty hard, too. Ha! I am tired and disgruntled today. I would much rather whine about wishing I could call in sick to my life tomorrow than write anything. And then... then I see I am supposed to be writing about counting my blessings and saying prayers of thanks today. Good one, God! Yeah, He made me giggle at the absurdity of my attitude. Excuse me while I take a few deep breaths and find some measure of focus...

Really, when I get to this part of my journey I am once again just sharing what someone else created that impacted my walk with God. I could keep this post super short and just send you on over to the website with the details. However, I feel like there is a reason this topic made it onto my list, and a reason it is one my list for this very day.

I was just thinking of how I have been going to bed every night beating myself up because I feel like a bad mom. We are not having a great homeschool week, and so I feel like all I am doing all day every day is nagging my child and being frustrated. Then every night I go to bed thinking that the next day will be different. I will be more patient, more attentive, more fun. I will find moments of joy instead of just trying to survive another day. And yet (surely this won't surprise anyone) I wake up the next morning and after a burst of positivity while studying my Bible the actual work of the day begins and by lunch I am a frustrated mess again.

I could say that tonight my epiphany was that if I just started counting gifts and being more thankful my problems would all be solved. What I actually found myself thinking is far from that statement. Instead I thought about this 31 day writing challenge and how I didn't want to fail. Then I thought about how every. single. time. I have started a gratitude journal or Joy Dare challenge I have failed. And THEN I thought about how absurd that is. Every time I have started one of those challenges I have spent more time being thankful and expressing that gratitude to God. Yeah, it usually tapers off and I miss some days and then quit because if I can't be perfect I don't want to do it. Before we even acknowledge how much work I need there, though, let's just focus on the fact that starting any challenge and doing good things for part of the goal time is still doing good things.

If I am counting my blessings so that I can feel good about completing a challenge then I am totally missing the point. Do I need to keep coming back to things like this that motivate me to do good things? Sure. It works for me... for a while. Do I need to stop giving up every time I "fail" to be perfect? Oh good grief, YES! It is another heart check thing... what is my motivation and how can I keep it pure? This question is one that I am sure I will need to occasionally ask throughout my life. I am human, after all.

So, NOW I will send you over to Ann Voskamp's Joy Dare page. Why do I like this particular resource?

• I do truly believe that cultivating gratitude has a dramatic impact on both my relationship with my Heavenly Father and my life here on earth. 
• I love being challenged to think deeper than the surface blessings that make it on to the list that is shared around the table at thanksgiving. 
• I like being told exactly what to do with things like this, so her system makes me happy. 
• I enjoy having a sense of community with other women doing the same thing, and when I do this with friends I always end up seeing the world in different ways!

It is good stuff. As long as I remember why I am doing it. I want to spend more time thanking God, and less time complaining and focusing on trivial things. I know God wants to hear both the good and the bad, but it is so much easier to focus on the bad! This isn't about being perfect. It isn't about what listing 3 things every day will look like or accomplish. It is about developing a natural rhythm in my prayer relationship with my Heavenly Father. One that is a little less about me and what I want, and a little more about Him and what He has done. Baby steps... baby steps. 

(Oh, and that part about how I am good until my morning quiet time "wears off" and am a mess by lunch? Go read this post ---> Lopsided Living Requires Loving God Most Good, good stuff from another #write31days blogger!)

Taking the Joy Dare and Daring to be Imperfect

Wednesday, October 5

Sharing the Gift of Prayer with Others

Why is it that so many of us are shy about our prayers? Sure, there have been plenty of occasions when I was in a position that required me to pray aloud in a group setting. However, if I am being honest I always hope someone else will take on that role. I have mentioned that me and extemporaneous speaking are not the best of friends, but in my experience even those who aren't afraid to speak in public still hesitate to lead prayer. Yet what a gift it is to pray with other believers! One of the most memorable parts of this journey of learning to pray was when I was encouraged to share prayers with others.

I can think of some special opportunities when I was given the opportunity to pray with someone at an important time. I treasure the memory of praying with my niece before she headed out to walk down the aisle at her wedding. I have prayed with others during difficult times as well. I never considered sharing prayers in written form, though. Then I walked through a particularly challenging time with a friend. You know those seasons when life just seems to fall apart for someone you care about? I was a part of one of those seasons for a sweet friend, and while I spent time making her family meals and offering to do other tasks for her, I also wished I could do more. When I felt like God was urging me to write a prayer for her, it felt awkward at first... but it also seemed like a perfect answer. 

In that example, I sat down and just prayed my heart out for this sweet family, and then asked for guidance from the Spirit in recording my prayers for them. However, I have also had times when I was praying fervently for an individual and felt like God was responding with something I needed to share with them. Taking the time to really focus on someone God has placed in your life and then writing your prayer for them is such an awesome way to share God's love. It is often in those toughest times when we can't even find the words to pray. So giving the gift of prayer in this way serves to encourage and sustain fellow believers in a very real way. 

It is important to remember that writing a prayer for someone isn't about our own words. It isn't something that should be done for any reason other than to share the love and hope that we all so desperately need! I do definitely believe that one of the primary purposes of prayer is to force us to slow down and really think about things. This gives God the opportunity to show us ways we can be His hands and feet that we wouldn't otherwise consider. When we pray for a friend who is fighting disease or facing loss, we don't (or shouldn't) do it to try to influence God. We do it because we want to support those we are blessed to walk this life on earth with. The answer to a prayer for healing may not be what we expect. It may instead be the answer of how we can help during the struggle. Taking the time to write out a prayer is definitely one way to help. 

I am definitely enjoying finally taking the time to ponder and record some of this journey that I have been on as I seek a more focused prayer life. I am so thankful for this 31 day challenge keeping me going for sure! I look forward to seeing how God uses this in my life and for His glory! Soli Deo Gloria! 

Sharing the Gift of Prayer with Others

Tuesday, October 4

Praying in Color - Getting Creative While Talking to God

Praying in Color was a concept that was introduced to me by a friend on Instagram. I am not a terribly artistic person, but I do love colorful things and creativity. As it turns out, I also love doodling my prayer list! Here is a list of reasons to Pray in Color from the website: 

Why Pray in Color?

1) You want to pray but words escape you. 2) Sitting still and staying focused in prayer are a challenge. 3) Your body wants to be part of your prayer. 4) You want to just hang out with God but don’t know how. 5) Listening to God feels like an impossible task . 6) Your mind wanders and your body complains. 7) You want a visual, concrete way to pray.

8) You Need a new way to pray.

This is not my own idea or movement, and so I won't go into it too much, but it did play a part in my journey to a more consistent prayer life. I found that it helped me in several ways:

• I liked the visual nature of it. It was easier for me to glance at a little picture to remember what I wanted to pray about than read through a list. 
• Because the doodles were more meaningful to me than they were obvious to everyone, I felt comfortable hanging the list above my sink. I feel like written prayer request lists often include specifics that I wouldn't want any visitor reading, but the pictures were less personal. And hanging them up helped me remember to pray when I saw them.
• Like any kind or written prayer (I mentioned this when writing about prayer journals) it helps me to focus when I sit down and write. The huge success of adult coloring books in recent years shows how relaxing the process can be, and I chose to focus my thoughts on prayer while coloring. 
• It got Aiden interested in what I was doing, and he started doing his own prayer sheets! We also used it for our high school small group ministry. 

We followed the examples and used some of the handouts found on the Praying in Color website, but we also put our own spin on things! One of my favorite meetings ever with our teens is when we made "aboriginal" prayer art (based on a lesson Aiden had completed about this native Australian art). We used q-tips and paint to do dot art, as we prayed. The repetitive activity was so soothing, and it allowed us to then write in the circles what we had prayed about and heard. 

Learning to get creative with my prayer life definitely helped me to kind of break out of the box I had put this part of my relationship with God in. I find that sometimes all you need is something a little unexpected to challenge and inspire you! That is what Praying in Color did for me!

Praying in Color - Getting Creative While Talking to God

Monday, October 3

Prayer Journaling: Putting Pen to Paper

I was never successful at keeping journals of any kind when I was younger. No diaries are floating around out there revealing the thoughts of my teenage self... thank goodness! However, as an adult, I have come to love the process of putting pen to paper and recording my thoughts as I study God's Word. I mentioned in my intro post for this series that my early journals are missing the element of prayer for the most part. They are full of thoughts and reflections about what I was studying at the time, and reading back through them is always an eye-opening activity. I love seeing how I have grown and matured over time. I wish, however, that I had taken up prayer journaling sooner.

I know that there are plenty of resources out there with ideas on how to keep a prayer journal. For me, the more relevant part of my prayer journey concerns the why. Why keep a journal of prayers? Is it really a meaningful spiritual discipline? Or just another way to feel good about checking something off the "stuff good Christians do" list? That last question is such a heart issue. One that I struggle with a lot. I so quickly can get tightly wound in this web of trying to do the right things to earn God's favor. Learning to extend grace to myself and rely completely on God's love and acceptance of me has been so hard. Huge work in progress in this area for sure. 

Why do I bring this up? I want to express early on in this series that my journey to learning more about the gift of prayer has been such an up and down experience. I am constantly having to ask God to search my heart and root out any traces of pride or tendencies to rely on my works more than His grace. So even as I share what I have learned, I want to make sure that my motivations, and the motivations of anyone I connect with, remain pure. Studying Scripture, learning more about prayer, becoming involved in any kind of ministry... this is all done as a response to what is freely given. It flows from the desire to draw near to God because of what He has already done... not to earn His favor or love. Those are already ours. 

So anyway, here are my answers to those questions when I am taking care to keep my intentions pure:

• Keeping a prayer journal provides an opportunity to slow down and really focus on this part of our relationship with our Creator and Redeemer. Part of my struggle with prayer is that I am SO easily distracted. Sitting down to write my prayers out helps me really tune in to my own heart and what the Spirit has to say to me in response. 
• Journaling my prayers gives me the opportunity to go back and see where God has been at work in my life. So often we take for granted the progress that is being made. Often we don't see the answers to our prayers until we are far removed from the daily struggle. 
• As a spiritual discipline, making time to journal prayers gives the Spirit time to reach us. So often praying one thing will open our eyes to what God really wants us to be focusing on. I might start out praying for guidance in my parenting, thinking that I need some divine answer to how to discipline my child (which I still wouldn't mind, actually) and instead I am reminded that it is my own attitude or behavior that needs tweaking. These kind of realizations are harder to recognize when we are always praying "on the fly."
• Any time we are stopping to realign out thoughts and priorities with God's, it is a blessing. 

So, what does my prayer journal include? I recently started a dedicated prayer journal, instead of just focusing on making sure not to "skip the 'P' in my SOAP." I start with just writing out whatever is on my heart. Like writing a letter to a friend, I just let my thoughts flow. Then I also jot down a few things that I have been specifically praying about consistently throughout the day. Maybe it is a relationship I am struggling with, a habit I am trying to kick, a friend who needs specific prayer, or a worry I can't shake. I record these with space between them so I can then record updates as I see progress. Finally, I record some things I am thankful for. I will talk more about recording gifts later this week. It is an important part of this for me. 

Of course there are lots of ways to include journaling as a part of your prayer life. What works for me may not work for you. The important thing is just to find what works for you. For inspiration and specific ideas, there is always Pinterest. Just don't get so busy pinning that you forget to start praying... like I often do! I hope to add plenty to my Prayer Board over the course of this series! If you have a prayer board, feel free to leave me a link in the comments!

Prayer Journaling: Putting Pen to Paper

Sunday, October 2

31 Days of Learning to Pray - Day 1!

It seems fitting that as I begin this challenge of blogging for 31 days about prayer I have spent a long while just sitting here, staring at a blinking cursor. This is a beginning. A new way for me to step out in faith and trust that God will meet me in this space. It is a lot like how my greatest faith journey began 6+ years ago. Just a girl, a blog, and the desire to connect.

When I became a stay-at-home mama, my whole world was turned upside down. Rather abruptly, I entered a season of life that was completely unexpected. I knew in my heart that I was doing the right thing, but that didn't make it easy. Now that I am well into this journey I can give a little spoiler that I didn't have access to at the time - God had big plans for me in those early years at home. More importantly, He had big plans for US. Me and my Heavenly Father were about to have a whole lot more time together. Much of that time was me crying out in desperation, depression and overwhelming loneliness. And yet, I consider it one of the most beautiful seasons of my life. 

During those early years at home with Aiden, I was given the gift of time to really dig deep. I say given... though it didn't really feel like a gentle gift at the time. It was more like a desperate attempt to find some sense of purpose when I felt like I had lost so much of my identity. It certainly wasn't something I found on my own, either. Instead, I connected with the most amazing community of women to help me walk through this season. And to this day I have never met a single one of them in person. Yet they are some of the most important people God has ever brought into my life. 

Some of the women I connected with were mentors who had walked the same road and come out on the other side. Some were fellow new mamas who were "in the trenches" and struggling in similar ways. Each one touched my heart and became a dear sister in Christ. As these women encouraged me to turn to God's Word for direction and comfort, I found such a great desire to really study and just embrace this amazing gift. I didn't know exactly what I was doing, but I knew that life was richer when I was making time to sit down with my Bible. The study part came more easily to me. And yet, I still struggled with prayer. 

It is no secret to anyone who knows me well that I tend to set unreal expectations for both myself and the people around me. This is one of my least favorite things about myself, and something I have been working on especially since becoming a mother. I do recognize it, though. And I think that in many ways I had a very unreal expectation for what a "good" prayer life was when I first began. I will even share a little confession with you to illustrate. 

When I decided to start using the S.O.A.P. method to study God's Word, I would sit down each day and faithfully work through those first three letters. 

• "S" - I loved writing the Word, and found that it helped me to focus more deeply. 
• "O" - my observations were often lengthy sections of definitions and research and I loved digging in to the Word in different ways. 
• "A" - I would often marvel at how God had shown me exactly what I needed for where I was, and loved seeing how His Word applied to my current season of life. 

You can see all of this if you look back through my journals. You will also likely notice something else... a whole bunch of blank or missing "P" entries. I wasn't used to writing my prayers, and for some reason I struggled with this part. Now, I will say that often I would just spend so much time on the first 3 that by the time I got to the prayer section there was a crying baby needing my attention. I often rationalized that the prayer part of things could happen while my hands were otherwise occupied. This was, of course, true. I don't think it was the full story, however. I also still wish I had recorded more of my prayers from those early days. 

Over the next 30 days, I hope to share a lot more about what I have learned since those days of skipping out on writing my prayers. In fact, I have chosen to start this series with that side of my prayer journey. I have Week 1 set aside for the theme of "Praying on Paper." I mentioned in my last post that I much prefer writing to talking, and so learning to write my prayers out definitely was an opportunity for me to bridge that gap as I learned more about this part of my relationship with my Creator. I am no expert in any of this. I am still just a girl (although a bit older now), with a blog (not the same blog and I am quite rusty at this whole blogging thing after long absences), and a desire to connect (and maybe the opportunity to give back a bit and be that mom who is on the other side of the preschool years and still standing...) 

My thoughts are not those of a trained theologian, or a great scholar. They are just my own experiences, and how I have come to know my Savior on a deeper level over time. I pray that anything I write might serve my King and bring Him glory. And that the thread that connects all of it would be the grace of God that brings us to Him and covers all of our stumbling as we grow and learn. It isn't about me and what I do. It is all about Him and what He has already done. Thanks be to God!  

31 Days of Learning to Pray - Day 1!

Saturday, October 1

Thoughts about the gift of prayer...

You would think that for someone who tends to overshare prayer would be the easy part of a relationship with God. In my Heavenly Father I have the most genuine listener who always cares about what I am thinking and feeling. He wants to be my closest companion, and I like to ramble on incessantly... seems like it would be a perfect fit. And yet, prayer is one area of my spiritual life that I have consistently struggled with. Sure, I frequently pour out my heart to God throughout the day, but I have often felt like there had to be more to it than that. After all, no real relationship is so one-sided.

I have focused most of my energy instead on learning how to study God's Word. Studying comes naturally to me, so it was the easy place to begin. I know that Scripture is the primary way God communicates with us, and I desperately crave direction and input from my Creator. Learning to dig in to my Bible has helped me start to really accept God's undeniable love for me. It is changing me in beautiful ways. It has also created an even greater desire for a more focused prayer life. Yet still, I didn't really know where to start. 

Like anyone raised in a Lutheran school, I had memorized a variety of prayers and creeds for classes. Somehow, though, I still had this idea in my head that prayer only really "counted" if it was my own words. I think that this belief is a big part of why I have struggled so much with prayer. I love writing... but extemporaneous speaking is not my thing at all. And that is kind of what prayer is. I want to honor my King with beautiful words, and instead I find myself stumbling. I know it isn't about the words to God, but like a little child bringing wildflowers plucked from the yard I wanted to offer something pretty to show my love. 

I have also been challenged by the question of the very purpose of prayer. I know communicating with God is important. I know He wants us to come to Him with both the good and the bad. I see this most vividly as I read through the book of Psalms. God listens when we cry out. This I believe to be true. But is there more to it? What does it mean to listen for answers to prayers? Does praying really change outcomes? These big questions, especially that last one, are not easy to address. And yet, I feel like I am being drawn in to this beautiful relationship and realizing what a precious gift prayer is. 

I feel like I have learned so much, and am so truly thankful for this gift of prayer, that perhaps I will take a leap and write about it daily in October. I have friends who do the #write31days challenge this time each year (like my amazing friend Faith who totally inspires me) and even though I know I stink at any challenge that requires daily effort maybe I will approach it with grace and see what happens. If nothing else, perhaps trying to break down what I want to record into smaller posts will help me not feel so overwhelmed when I sit down to blog. 

And so, I will abruptly end here. I must say... blogging sure doesn't come naturally like it used to! Maybe a challenge will help. 

Thoughts about the gift of prayer...

Thursday, September 29

Thoughts on Hope, Broken Printers, and Authenticity

Hi, I am Branson. I am that person who will share way too much of my life story way too soon in pretty much any relationship... and then spend days kicking myself and wondering why I have to always do that. As I warn on my social media bios... I am an "oversharer" in the strictest sense of the word. It's what I do. 

However...

I am starting to learn a thing or two (finally) about restraint. It has taken 36 years, but I am beginning to see a difference between being authentic and feeling desperate to be heard. I know that is a huge statement to make without digging in to what it really means, but that is not what is on my heart today. Or at least not primarily. Mostly because I am such a hot mess work in progress in that area right now. So much work remains to be done. I share it, however, because I have been writing a lot lately (in my journal, in my head, in unpublished posts) but struggling with this desire to share that is at war with my desire to take a cue from the mother of our Savior and ponder these things in my heart. 

I have felt a very definite push to share some of what I have been learning about prayer lately. Now, normally, I would sit down and write something and just hit publish without thinking. Again... it's what I do. Yet when I sit down to do that, my thoughts are so jumbled. I start feeling like I need to tell my whole life story, and then I get to parts I am not ready to share. And then I get caught up in this whirlwind of questioning how I can share positive parts of my life when I am in the middle of some huge struggles and I start feeling like a phony and basically I dissolve into kinda desperate text messages to my blogging BFF who patiently reminds me that it is okay to keep things private. 

In the "plugged-in" world we all call home now, it is so easy to get completely distracted from the very heart of things. When I sit down to write, there is this blinking cursor and huge empty space waiting for words, and I often fill the space before I even begin to focus on what I really want to say. My motivation is honorable when I first sit down, but somewhere along the way I find myself sucked into a pattern of wanting to be known and I forget that my goal is really to direct that focus to my Creator. How easy it is to stray. 

This weekend I set up a little prayer closet in our new home. Well, actually it was more like I asked my husband to clear out the amazing amount of stuff from our "junk closet" so that I could claim it for my prayer space. My intentions were pure. I wanted a place free from distractions to really focus on some things I am struggling with right now. As I learn more about the true gift of prayer, I crave it in such an intense way. I just wanted a little nook for focusing my thoughts and prayers. 

Then, I decided I should print some inspiration to hang on the walls in this little space. I am a very visual person, and it made sense to me (and still does) to have visual cues for focusing my thoughts. But then I only wanted really pretty things to hang up. And then my printer (which I just replaced) turned out to be broken. And then... I got so caught up in my frustration with my printer and thoughts of decorating this little space that I completely lost any focus on why I wanted it to start with. 

Complete and total distraction. I feel like that is how I live (at least) half of my days. In my quiet, small-town life the enemy doesn't have to resort to big events as he roams about looking for someone to devour. He has the weapon of distraction mastered. And that is where this all comes back to the origin... and where I have found comfort in focused prayer. But, as you see, I have filled this space before I can even begin to share about that! Today, however, that was my plan. I needed to share a few basic things before I dive back in to blogging about what God is teaching me. For anyone who wants a concise bullet point list after all this rambling, here it is:

• Words are my jam. Writing is so much easier than speaking for me, and it is also almost always the best way for me to process. However, I am learning to (at least start to) guard my thoughts and my heart from being constantly distracted and I hope to do the same with my writing. 
• My life is not pretty. Right now I am battling some giants that are ugly and nasty. However, this is not the time for me to share about those things. So, as I write, I will seek to be authentic but also honor the need for some things to be kept between just me and God. 
• I still have a tendency to veer towards being quite loquacious, and you will still have to bear with me as I ramble and get caught up in tangents. I just pray that as I do, my focus will remain true. 

Thoughts on Hope, Broken Printers, and Authenticity

Monday, September 12

A Sense of Urgency

As I sat in worship last night, thinking about the year that was drawing to a close and the one that would soon begin, the only thing I really felt strongly was how unfocused I was. I was excited to have my niece sitting next to me, and I focused on her. I was thankful to have a husband who serves as a communion assistant, and I was focused on him. I took in the sight of the Christmas decor that was still looking ever so lovely, and focused on how strange it was to have missed Christmas worship due to being ill. I have been trying to wrap my head around a new year for weeks now, and as usual I was able to focus on everything but that.

Now, at this point, you may be thinking that I am going to say that my #onelittleword for this year is going to be FOCUS. Sorry, no luck. I am only just getting started...

So there I sat, struggling to "feel" anything typical of New Year's Eve. I searched my mind and my heart for signs of anticipation. I put out feelers for any lingering sense of accomplishment or even regret. I listened intently to the sermon, and for the first half I thought it was a nice sermon. Nothing really jumped out at me, but I was appreciating what the Pastor had to say. And then a phrase caught my attention:

"In the meanwhile..." 

For months now, I have felt like I was kind of in limbo. I have been focusing on various points in the future, and constantly thinking that once I just got to that point things wouldn't feel so scattered. I have known for several months now that I would start watching a friend's little girl in January, and I knew there was a big transition coming. I have also been working a lot, because the holiday season brought more projects along than I had ever imagined. And of course there was that carrot dangling in front of us that was Matt's holiday vacation. I spent a couple of months just trying to get through each day, reminding myself that eventually things would be better. I was living in survival mode, and there were definitely some dark days when I started to wonder if things really would ever get better.

So, that phrase... in the meanwhile... caught my attention. Pastor Schauer was talking about how Jesus has given us the important task of building His church on earth during this time between our Savior's ascension and His return. He talked about how we can stand firm in the hope that we have been given through Christ our Savior, but he also talked about how it isn't good enough to just wait and hope. God doesn't just want us to bide our time. He doesn't want us to just live in survival mode. There really is so much important work to be done... but do we see it? Do we really?

Since that sermon, I have not been able to shake the word URGENT. I am just going to be honest... it isn't the word I want to focus on. "Urgent" is not a relaxing word. It isn't that sigh of relief that I was hoping for after hitting that magic point in time where everything was supposed to get easier. It isn't the breath of fresh air I was hoping for after pushing through these past couple of months. If I really think about it, it exhausts me. However... I find a peace in it as well. A peace that surpasses understanding for sure. It doesn't make sense to me entirely, but it is there. Because I know that if God has called us to live with a sense of urgency it means He is also going to provide the stamina and energy to do so.

So this urgency... where is it pointing me? God has been really, really letting me feel the weight of some things lately. I have become increasingly sensitive to the struggles and needs of those around me, and since empathy has never been one of my strengths this increase in feeling has created some serious growing pains for me. Part of this work on the part of the Holy Spirit has come from parenting a highly sensitive child. It is like Aiden's empathy is contagious sometimes. He is teaching me to really see things, instead of blocking out what I don't want to acknowledge. The wall around my heart has been crumbling ever since this precious boy was born, and I admit it is hard to let go of that barrier.

I have expressed over and over during the past couple of years that I feel like I am being prepared for something. As I head into this new year I honestly feel like perhaps I am at a point where I am expected to start putting some of what I have learned into action. I have no idea how, exactly. I see God consistently pointing me back to my current vocation as a wife and mother. I know that a big part of what lies ahead concerns putting the bulk of my energy back into our home. I know that when I honor God's will for me as a woman He will direct me in what comes next. It always seems so counter-intuitive to pull back in order to move forward, but I know that is what I am being asked to do. And I am not being asked in a timid way. Like I said, urgency is not a relaxing word.

I know that God wants us to urgently meet the needs of His children on earth. It is so easy to let that fact overwhelm me. The world is a mess. There is so much hurt and need. Where do I start? For me, I start with my own family. My family of 3. I feel like only then I will have the foundation I need to reach out to my family outside this little home. And then my faith family. And then... who knows. Maybe that is as far as God intends for my reach to go. Maybe He has big things I can't even imagine planned. That isn't what I am being asked to focus on right now. Right now I need to serve my husband and child with urgency. That is where it starts. And the strength that I need to do that? The directions I need to make it happen? Those are found only in His word. So, really, I am back to square one.

Five years ago I felt like I was just starting something as a new year began. Now? I feel like I have come full circle. While I took a lap around the block I learned so much. It is like I have been training for a race, and now it is time to start running. That is honestly how I feel. That sense of urgency for what lies ahead makes my heart race as I wait to hear my cue to begin. Now is the time to listen. Listen first, and then act. Refocus. Move forward. Serve where I am needed "in the meanwhile" and trust that God has a course ready for me as I move forward.

Urgency...

Here we go, 2016! Time to get started.

A Sense of Urgency

Friday, January 1

On letting go...

Sometimes you just have to let go...

     of what you think you have learned;

          where you think you are headed;

               who you have been trying to be.

Sometimes you just have to stop...

     stop trying so hard;

          stop juggling too many things;

               stop relying on the same efforts that have failed to bear fruit.

Sometimes you have to be still...

     unplug;

          refocus;

               recharge.

All the while trusting that when you do, the things that matter most will still be there when you have the strength to try again.

And remember...

     That strength won't be found in trying harder.

          It won't be found in doing more.

               It doesn't come from within. 

It comes from above. 

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. - Colossians 3:1-2

On letting go...

Sunday, December 27

Do We Need a Little Christmas... or a little comfort?

Today I have a post from the archives to share. This was originally published when Aiden was just a babe. How these words still resonate with me, though. I hope this post will bless you today, as we seek the source of true joy this Christmas! 



Haul out the holly;
Put up the tree before my spirit falls again.
Fill up the stocking,
I may be rushing things, but deck the halls again now.
For we need a little Christmas
Right this very minute...

You may be familiar with this particular Christmas song... especially if you are a fan of Glee. This upbeat little tune captures the excitement of this season. Many find themselves anxious to start breaking out the decorations. In fact, it seems to come earlier every year! However, while there is a common frenzy to start the holiday celebrations with trees and tinsel, something often gets lost in the mix.

This particular song goes on to include these lyrics:

For I've grown a little leaner,
Grown a little colder,
Grown a little sadder,
Grown a little older,
And I need a little angel
Sitting on my shoulder,
Need a little Christmas now.

Many of us can probably identify with this particular verse. We may be feeling the winter blues, or it may be something deeper. I have shared some of my current struggles recently: my husband recently lost his job, we have had a string of unfortunate events from car accidents to family problems, I continue to struggle with depression... the world has given me plenty of reasons to feel a little "leaner, colder, sadder, older." However, while I do love the sparkle of the lights and the glitter of the ornaments, those aren't the things that are going to really lift my spirit... at least not for any substantial amount of time!

This Sunday, we focused on a passage from the book of Isaiah. The full passage was Isaiah 40:1-11, and I encourage you to take some time to really read and absorb these verses! However, I will focus on just a few. First of all, this passage begins with an amazing gift to us:

Comfort, comfort my people,
says your God.
Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the LORD’s hand
double for all her sins.

Like the person in the jolly Christmas song, we are all looking for something to lift our spirits. We have been dragged down by the weight of sin in many ways. We look all around for ways to fill our lives with joy, when really all we need to do is look right here. Here we have words of peace. Of comfort.

I always like to listen carefully to the children's message when we have one, because let's face it... any good children's message gets right to the point. This week's illustration for the children's message was that of Pastor's favorite blanket. He talked about how he likes to snuggle up with his favorite blanket for comfort. I immediately thought of bubs snuggling with his favorite green lovey. I often sit and stare at his little angel face while he sleeps, thinking how peaceful he looks. As I was thinking of this, it struck me that I have been given the same peace and comfort. Only I have "grown a little older" and have a harder time accepting it.

It is all right there for us to read in God's word, though! Not only in this passage, but throughout the scriptures we have messages of peace and comfort. As I was thinking about all of this, I was also struck by the later verses in this passage:

See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,
and he rules with a mighty arm.
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.
He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

I love how these verses exhibit both the power and might of the Lord, but also remind us that he is our shepherd. He is a great and victorious ruler, and yet he "gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart." Talk about comfort. Verse 11 paints such a vivid picture of tenderness and love. We have a God who loves us enough not only to forgive us, but also carry us.

So, while there is definitely plenty of reason to celebrate this time of year, it is important to remember that all of that tinsel and holly is not here to lift our spirits. Instead, it should be a way to express the joy that we already possess! The decorations and traditions certainly have a place, but they should be our outward expression of the gift of our Savior. Not an attempt to fill the void that only He can fill.



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Do We Need a Little Christmas... or a little comfort?

Monday, December 7

In Search of a Faith Family... a flashback and an update

I love looking back to see how God has used different seasons in my life to bring me to where I am now in my relationship with Him. Below is a blog post I wrote back in 2011. It was actually kind of a follow-up to a post I had written on a friend's blog that you can read here. I loved reading that one after all this time as well. I find it interesting in some way that the church in this photo below is no longer there. It has been torn down since I took this photo and wrote these words. That seems symbolic in some way. Things are always changing... 

This morning I am preparing for a meeting of our High School Small Group ministry leaders. Matt and I have served as leaders for 3, almost 3 1/2, years now, and it is amazing to look back on what I had written just before that and see how quickly things changed. Shortly after I wrote this, we met with the pastors at our current congregation. The following fall we began working with youth again, and then this year I took on the role of coordinator for the program as well. We have definitely spent a good amount of time now as members of this church body, and there are many things we have grow to love about it. 

And yet...

It still doesn't fill that deep desire for a faith family that I remember when I read the post below. I still long for that ability to walk into the church and feel at home. Maybe that just isn't something we will find again. After all, this world is not our home, right? Yet shouldn't stepping into God's house be the closest thing I find here on earth? I find myself thinking that I need to talk to my Heavenly Father about this more. But for now there are sloppy joes to prepare, cookies to bake, and a meeting to finish getting ready for. This church we attend now may not be what I imagined when I wrote about our future church family, but it is a place God has given us to serve for right now. So, we will do that with gladness! 

I recently shared in a post over at Amber's Articles that we are still without a church home. This is something that has been weighing heavily on me lately. I miss our church family from Missouri, and I know that we need to find that here... not only for us, but for our son.

I always pictured us having children when we lived in Missouri. I wanted ours to be one of the little ones that bounced from pew to pew, being loved by a whole congregation. I wanted a child who could grow up in Miss Jan's Sunday School classroom, and be one of those cute little shepherds at Christmas. At the time we were the youth leaders and were always at the church. I imagined having a little shadow as I moved around the church preparing events and working on our ministry. Mostly, I wanted to raise our little one in an environment where I knew that they would grow to love Sundays and enjoy worship.

God, of course had other plans as far as when and where we would become parents. I don't doubt for a minute that He has a church family waiting for us here as well! The exciting news, is that Matt will finally have Sundays off again very soon. He bids on a new shift on Tuesday, and then in October we will be able to once again start searching for a church. We won't be constrained to Saturday evening worship, and can find a congregation that actually makes us feel welcome and loved. I can't wait.

Now, I know that a physical church is not the only way to worship. I love this quote: "The Church is not a physical building, but a group of believers; not a denomination, sect, or association, but a spiritual body. The Church is not an organization, but a communion, a fellowship of one body, and it includes all believers." (The Church - The Body of Christ, John MacArthur). However, I think we have to be careful not to confuse the definition of the word church with a "get out of Sunday service free" card. Yes, we can (and we should!) worship at all times and in all places. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 tells us to "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." This should not take the place of fellowship, though. The Bible reminds us of the importance of fellowship:

• Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. (Hebrews 10:23-25)

And provides us with a model for true fellowship:

• They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2:42-47)

That passage from Acts has always been a favorite of mine. What an incredible example for us! Of course I also see it as a pretty convicting show of how watered down our fellowship has become in many instances. I know I have failed to live like these early believers! How many small churches are having to close their doors now, because they cannot afford to serve their members? How many ministries are suffering because of lack of support? How many of us go to church only on Sundays... or not at all?

Just some of the things that have been on my mind as we anxiously await Matt's change in schedule! We could use some prayers this week that he can find a shift with Sundays off and hours that will work for our family. We are making Sundays off our only criteria in his bid, and trusting God to find the right shift for him.

Linking up with: Faith and Fellowship & Titus 2 Tuesday

In Search of a Faith Family... a flashback and an update

Sunday, November 22

Online Resources for Bible Study & Quiet Time

There are many resources available to help us study and worship during our quiet times. I love to look at new resources, but there are a few that I always fall back on. In this post, I am sharing my 5 favorite online resources to use to bring different elements of worship and understanding to my time each morning.

1. Blue Letter Bible - Without a doubt, this is my favorite resource to aid me in my study of God's Word. When I first started digging in to Scripture on my own, I never really imagined I would develop a desire to look at the original Greek and Hebrew language used by the men who brought God's word to us through the work of the Holy Spirit. However, I have found it to be a beautiful way to connect with God and really gain understanding. (And they also have an app now, which is awesome!)

2. HelloMornings - There are several great ways to get connected wit a group of women to find accountability and encouragement in studying the Word. HelloMornings is the community I am currently a part of. They offer guided Bible studies and challenge groups for 6-week session. While I am not currently using their study, I am part of a challenge group and I really value that fellowship with sisters in Christ.

3. YouTube or Spotify - There is a reason music has been used since the very beginning to both instruct us and express our worship. It is one way I find myself reaching out to my Heavenly Father when my own words and understanding fail. We are blessed to have access to an incredible generation of Christian musicians. Those links are to my quiet time playlist on each site. I love that YouTube provides more live/acoustic options. I am all about acoustic lately.

4. YouVersion - I primarily use this through their app, but the website is also an option. I like being able to compare translations as I study. I am partial to my NIV84 translation, which is no longer offered online, so I need my paper Bible as well, but there is definitely something to be gained from comparing the different ways the same verse has been translated. And of course it is always good to have a bible handy wherever I am!

5. Praying in Color - There are a lot of resources available right now for bringing art into Bible study. This was the site that really got me interested in the idea. While I don't really use the site on a regular basis, I do go back to access their handouts to print new grids and sometimes find inspiation. This is all based on a book that I haven't read, ha! I keep thinking I should someday, but it never makes it to the top of my list.

Linking up with: Titus 2 Tuesdays & Faith and Fellowship

What websites and resources are your favorites for Bible study and quiet time? I would love to find some new ones! Feel free to share here in the comments, or come find me on social media!

Online Resources for Bible Study & Quiet Time

Monday, November 16

I find You when I fall apart...

How often do I find myself thinking that if I could just start fresh things would be so different? I don't want a big change... I am not asking for anything more than just the ability to hit pause for a couple of days so I can somehow catch my breath. Of course, that isn't really an option. Yet I still find my mind wandering there... to the place where I have a chance to just collapse without things falling apart around me when I do. Yes, I am going through yet another tough time. I feel like such a broken record sometimes. I just can't help but thinking that if I could just get a short break things would be okay.

I have learned so much in such a seemingly short amount of time this year. I feel like it has been a whirlwind of big lessons and strong longings. It has both encouraged me and left me feeling overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. I feel like I know what I need to do, but I can't seem to make any progress in doing it. The cry of my heart is for help and rest, but the reality of my days seems so unyielding. I dream of a weekend alone, with just my Bible and a quiet place to think. I am starting to think that dream is a tool of the enemy, though... it keeps me from seeing the beauty of what I have. I have been spending much more time longing for things I don't have than appreciating what I do have lately.

I continue to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, when perhaps I am just walking farther away from where I want to be. I try to shrug off what I am feeling by calling it a "funk" or a "tough time" instead of calling it what it is. Because depression is a horrible word. I don't want to admit that I am in that place again. Not that I ever really leave it fully, but I feel like I had found a good place for a while. I try to remember what was different then. Of course I cannot do that because one of the main things depression does is surrounds my brain with a fog that infuriates me at times.

I can plainly see all of the signs that things are not okay. My patience is non-existent, my energy level is dismal, my ability to focus lasts for about an hour each day (if I am lucky). I try to focus on the good... but even my lack of instagramming is a sign that even that is harder than usual. I read yet another article the other day about how social media is hurting people with its false pictures of reality, but for me it is quite the opposite. I treasure the ability to capture my best moments. They are what keep me going sometimes when it feels like things are too hard. I look at the pictures of what life looks like when I am winning this battle, even if it is just for a few minutes a day, and they give me courage and hope to keep trying.

There really aren't words for how thankful I am for my Bible and my time with God each morning. Sometimes I let myself wonder if letting Aiden sleep in so that I have that time is bad somehow... but it is something I so desperately need. It is only through the daily reminders of God's strength and grace and love that I can keep going sometimes. It is often that message of hope... that truth... that keeps me from handing Aiden a tablet and crawling back in bed for the day. I find special comfort in the words of Paul when he writes about being in chains. I have these chains that hinder me, but I know that nothing can hinder God.

I have been thinking a lot about the last time things felt this bad, back when I struggled with postpartum depression and was so alone. I almost crave that time when I could just focus only on my own little family and spend more of my days soaking up God's Word. I learned so much during that time, even if it was so very hard. I feel like things are so much more hectic now. Gone are the quiet nap times and free evenings. Now there is always something happening around me and something needing to be done. There are obligations and relationships that need attention. There is work that requires my brain to actually function. There is always something more to do. It is this constant demand that is making things feel so impossible. So I go back to that place where I dream of a break.

It is time for me to let go of that longing, and try to figure out how to work with what I have been given. I need to be open to how God intends for me to work through this, instead of assuming the only answer is one that is not possible. I am just so tired and frustrated. Yet even at my worst, I am secure in my hope. It seems impossible. It probably doesn't make sense at all. It is true, though... even when I feel like one of those autumn leaves that is shriveling up and ready to fall, I have an undercurrent of hope and peace that never fades. I know that these trials are only temporary, and I know from years of experience that good will eventually come from them. I am just ready to see the fruit. Patience has never been my thing.


 

I find You when I fall apart...

Wednesday, November 4